By Joachim Buwembo
Many Ugandans who advocate for regional balance keep saying eastern Uganda has never produced a president. Such people need to know, however, that there is a right man for every season.
The right man from the east just had not yet emerged. So even if it is believed that great ideas come from the east, the game-changing idea as far as national leadership is concerned had not yet been mooted.
Now it has come – from the east. This is not to say that the east, and Tororo in particular, has not produced very serious, worthy men and women. I mean, that run-down place has given us fire-spitting men made of a special alloy that enables them to handle things other Ugandans would tremble to touch.
You might remember Ofwono, the tallest Ugandan ever recorded, who came from Tororo. You also know the one and only OO, who takes no prisoners when defending the Government and NRM. You also know Tanga Odoi who runs the NRM’s primary elections, which field more candidates than the national elections.
And have you forgotten Fox Odoi, a man who needs no introduction? Do you have any doubt that the most fearlessly daring people come from Tororo? Not after that guy stunned the president of Uganda by chewing a squeaking rat before him to show his displeasure at the delay to create a new district for his people.
But who would have thought that even that feat would fade in significance, thanks to another feat by a man from nowhere else, but Tororo? For all those who have been asking about who can manage Uganda after Museveni, ask no more.
The man is there; his name is Kenneth Odiom and you know what he did? He ate a hissing cobra for his 34th birthday. Odiom has my vote for President come February 2021. Join me to persuade him to stand. You and I know that Uganda’s problem is not lack of good policies, but inaction and corruption.
Lack of resolve to push through the good policies and impotence of the investigative and prosecution arms of the Government. But would anyone doubt Odiom’s capacity to deal with inaction and corruption? There was this big, corrupt cobra that had been living for a while in an anthill near his house.
Being a man of peace, he had let it be for as long as it did not violate the rights of its neighbours. Then it took his accommodative nature for granted, and started eating chickens that did not belong to it.
Without rushing, but full of determination, Odiom made a plan to deal with it and chose the perfect dart to execute it. So on his birthday, now that he had fewer chickens to pick from and make a meal, he went for the killer cobra, smoked it out of the anthill and made a nice meal out of it.
He reportedly washed down the cobra with a cold beer. That is my prezdo! Imagine all the thieves in high places and their accomplices in the private sector who have made us look like impotent whimps! They have stolen public resources with impunity.
Just pause and ask, what would Odiom do if he were in charge? Remember when Obama had just taken the US presidency and parents amended their parenting curriculum to include the question, ‘What would Obama do?’ That is what every public servant should start asking themselves when tempted to abuse their office; “What would Odiom do?”
There is only one problem with an Odiom presidency though; he supports Manchester United Football Club. If he had belonged to the larger Arsenal family, things would be better. But now, instead of a landslide, the cobra man of Tororo would only win with a slight margin come February 2021.