Dear Heart to Heart, I have been dating a campus girl for two years but she only calls me when asking for money. When I tell her that I do not have the money, she does not talk to me until I send it to her. Although I pay her rent, I do not know where she lives and when I ask her whether I can visit, she says no. She also deletes all my comments on her social media posts. Is she ashamed of me? Frank.
Jack Brooks: Maybe she will make a real caring girlfriend for someone else someday, but not for you. She has chosen your role in her life, and she will always treat you like the last thing on her to-do-list. She is using you because she knows she has you on the hook. Put your effort and energy in someone who deserves it.
Marina da Glória. Let her go, please. Do not hurt yourself. I passed through exactly the same situation, but with a man. And guess what? He is happy with someone else, and I am lonely – sad with my love life. People say we should help others without expecting something in return – but all I wanted from him was his love. That is why I went through heaven and hell to help him, only not to get his affection. I truly invested in him. And as a result? I got the worst part of the bargain, and since then I cannot move on properly.
Mike King. First of all, make a list of things you love about this woman and then make a list of things that are really giving you cause for concern. Do not be afraid to answer correctly, only you will see the results. You will have to face her and ask her some questions based on the list you made out.
Kim Alterado. Stop doing things for her. Give her space. Do yourself a favour and just step back for a while. But bear in mind that this could lead to a lot of things, too. It is either she will realise that you are important and you really mean something to her or she will completely step out of your life. You will loose her but you will know her stand on this thing between the two of you.
Jacky Dror. No matter how much you love someone, it has to be a two way affair, otherwise you will just waste your time, end up with a lot of hurt, and feel forlorn. Move on, give yourself a little space to get over this one-way love relationship and get out there to meet someone far more deserving of your valued love.
Nancy Nakku. You are just an object for her, who is serving well whenever she required. You cannot even consider her as a friend, so just get out of this and throw her out of your life.
Nampa Patience Natie. She is not ashamed of you but is just using you. I am sure she has some one she loves and is keeping you around for the money you give her. If she really loved you she would have already invited you to her place and even would not take an extra step of deleting your comments off her social media posts. I am sure she feels insecure knowing someone might read them and find out about you. Another thing that clearly shows she is after your money is she only calls when she needs it but not to inquire about how you are doing and still goes ahead to refuse to talk to you until you have settled her financial demands. Best solution to your dilemma is to dump her and move on. You are not her bank and neither is she going to accept you for more than what you are now.
Danny Mals. I am sorry for what I am going to say but you are a fool. Can’t you just read the signals and and stop wasting your time? Instead use it to develop yourself and someone special will come your way.
Moses Tsek. Give her money. I say give her the money. I repeat give her money please until the day she will invite you to her wedding with the guy she is in love with.
Molyne Kyosiimire. The first mistake was you giving her money even on the first date that led her to being money minded. At campus, she has to show off to her friends that she has money. So, if you cannot leave her, then tighten your belts.
Carol Mukisa Cartnel. The way you presented yourself at first matters. You might have presented yourself as a money machine and she is giving you the feedback. By the way, what dreams or future plans do you have with her? To make her your wife or? Because that matters. If it is for wife’s sake, please flee and set your notes clear on what qualities you want in a wife. That will ease your work.
Ochieng Simon Peter. Frank, are you waiting for a whistle to stop you from ending this relationship? That girl is not interested in you and she is just using you for money. Save your money for someone who will truly love you.
Ali Male, counselling psychologist at A-Z counselling services
Analyse your relationship
Dear Frank, you have become a victim of some one’s ways of life and you must struggle to come out of it. From the descriptions you have made, there is a big problem you must discuss to help you understand your position in her life.
Besides the communication disparities, you may need to reflect on the basic principles why you fell in love with her. Right from the beginning, did you agree on things like values, financial goals, ways of problem solving, decision making and sorting out major life issues?
These are very important aspect in every relationship and if you did not, you may need to go back to the drawing board and decide properly. If you can meet her physically, try to discuss all these things. Also the reason why you are dating is important. You must have a mission. Once it is not there, then you may need to refocus.
Remember the three mirrors of any relationship are what you think about yourself, what others think about yourself and the reality. Consult your intuition and think beyond her because she could be just playing games.