My fiancé brings other girls home

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Dear Heart to Heart, I am 25 years old and have been cohabiting with my fiancé but recently my pastor frowned at it and asked me to stop and look for elsewhere to stay which I diligently obeyed. Then I learned from his five year old son and neighbours that since my departure, my fiance has been bringing girls to the house. What should I do because I am confused? Anonymous

YOUR FEEDBACK

Phoebe Miriam. At only 25 and you are that desperate! Your pastor is right! If you are a Christian, sex outside marriage is a sin! The truth is that guy does not deserve you and you deserve better than such a man! Listen, if he is not looking for you then he never loved you… You are just one of the many women he was lying to. Please forget him and move on, your Mr right is out there.

Danny Mals. Honey, do not stress yourself, if he did that, it means he was not meant to be yours. Thank God you did not get married to him because if he is going with every woman, it would get worse after tying knot. God has saved you.

Nabanoba Adnerb Brenda. Pastors are family breakers, stay warned.

Nsanya Ali. You cannot quit the relationship just because of such pastors who always mislead people.
Yenze Jameel Atagenda. The way women obey pastors, I wonder. You followed his advice, live with the consequences, and do not disturb us.

Ayebazibwe Ambrose. What is wrong with pastors? He should have advised you to legalise the marriage and not leave the man.

George William. You Ask your pastor, does that mean that even cohabiting couple should split? He should have advised you on how to get your marriage legal other than advising you to move away. I am certain that the things you see now would never have been.

Moses Earthe. You religiously obeyed the pastor, then ask the pastor again why your man is bringing other women. Pastors are family breakers, I find them phony.

Alale J Jordan. If he really needed you, he would have made sure that he makes it official to stay with you. And the fact that he brings girls should be enough to let you know that he never loved you. If he does not miss you thus easily replaced you, then it is clear that you need to move you.

Bob Balagadde. My advice is that as you start to live your life, first test for HIV.

Okitoi Richard. You left and the vacuum left gave him lee-way to finally be himself. God must have saved you from the impending danger had you got married to him.

Etemu Peter. Come on, just let go and move on. At least there is no mention of a child between the two of you. Go on and start a new life.

Peter Claver. All along, your presence caused him to hide his real nature. There is no need to lament because had you got married to him, you would be asking us how you can deal with a man that cannot stop sleeping with every woman he comes across.
Timothy Maseruka. The only thing you should have been doing is rejoicing because you will not have to deal with STDs and fear that you will catch AIDS.

Pumla Atukunda. My sister, if you chose to listen to your pastor, why are you crying foul?

Patricia Ankunda. I have never seen such an ungrateful person like you. Your pastor saved you from a man that has got no self control and you are complaining! If all you need is a man, then go back. However, do not come back here for advice on how to deal with the many concubines.

Betina Kaggwa. At just 25 and you are crying for a man! Go and build your life before you embark on marriage because clearly, you are not ready.

Erina Kwagala. This man had a child from another relationship, then he brought you along. Right after you left, he has started bring other girls, how naive can you be? It is clear that he is not a committed man and will never be. So stop beating yourself up because of him and move on. Funny thing is that he has long moved on from you while you lament!

Tracy Maina. Women, I am yet to understand you. This man is not interested in you in any way and you are still holding on!

Counsellor’s say
Evelyne Lufafa Kharono, counselling psychologist at Ssuubi Medical Centre

Talk it over with him

Dear Anonymous,

Being in a relationship can bring the highest joy in life but can also cause the deepest pain depending on how they start and what was the aim of each of the individuals initially.
If started with selfish reasons, then the value attached will be low too.
In this case, you may not have any control of how your partner chooses to behave, but you can choose how to react.
First, cohabiting may not limit your boyfriend from cheating as this could be only a habit or lack of commitment to the relationship.
In such a scenario, you need to find a good environment, not necessarily in his house, to discuss about the cheating issue and tell him exactly how you feel about this. If possible you can invite him to a counsellor or an adult that both of you respect such as a pastor.
It is important to tackle this early enough and not take this behaviour for granted as a broken relationship is much better than a broken marriage.

Compiled by Joan Salmon

Monitor.co.ug

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