I am obsessed with her but I do not love her

By Beatrice Nakibuuka

Dear Heart to Heart, I am in love with a woman with whom I intend to start a family. However, although she does not have the qualities I desire in a wife, I find myself unable to resist her. Also, none of my family members like her. They have even suggested I end the relationship. What can I do? Anonymous

Allano Hooks: You cannot go around wasting someone’s life when her real husband could be searching for her. It isunacceptable. If she does not have the qualities you are looking for, then what is the definition of love to you? There is something about her physical body or even about her character that turns you on, making her irresistible for you but this is not enough. You must explain to her your feelings and let the innocent woman go. If you do not, you will marry her only to lose interest in a short time or even start cheating. Leaving your parents factors constant, they should not determine your future and this choice in particular. Man up.

David Lubega: If she does not have qualities of the woman you want to have and hold for life, then you are just infatuated with her or you set your qualities too high and you have found your match. Nobody makes a decision on who to love based on what their family think because it is not them to relate with her. Sort your heart first, then decide what you want with her.

Joy Desire. Love is not always getting the perfect person just get miss imperfect and make her perfect as long as she is wife material. Watch a movie called the dirty truth then you will know what love is all about.

Namukoya Evaline: I am sure you just like her because of the money she has. Just be frank and speak the truth. These are the lazy men we always talk of. I know that lady must be rich but she is not beautiful. So you want the money however you do not want an ugly woman. Please be man enough and work hard for your own money so that you can marry the woman your heart desires.

Nampa Patience Natie. It could be more like you lust after her physical attributes but have no real feelings regarding her character and overall persona. Try to first evaluate what you find irresistible about her. Is it her body, lifestyle, sense of humour or you are just proud of her? If it is only physical then you must let her go. However, if it goes beyond physical attraction, then try to evaluate what you need in a wife. She could have the qualities you so desire though not all of them and this can improve with time.

Ivan Waswa. Its all in your hands now. Do you value love or qualities? Choose and decide. Men like you remain confused forever.

Jero Belcom. Do what pleases your mind and the heart, I believe you already know what you want, therefore do not settle for less.

Kironde Eric. If you are only attracted to her body, please leave her alone because someday you will get fade up of it.

Melvin Nasasira. Contrary to what people say that life is short, I think life is long enough for everyone to leave a mark. However, life is too short to spend with someone you do not adore, someone you think is not good enough for you. With such a person you will never be happy not to mention successful.

George Mulaghui. Move on and stop wasting both your time and hers. There is always a person God has created for us, we just need to look a little closer and patiently.

William Muhindo. The heart wants what it wants.

Aneurine Karegyesa. There is a very wide gap between your being obsessed and being in love. You can get obsessed without being in love and you can love without being obsessed. It appears to me that you are simply driven by naivety and lust.

Denis Kimbugwe. There are people with more serious problems stop wasting our time. If you know she does not have the qualities you want what advice are you seeking? What if we all advise you to go ahead and marry a woman that does not possess the qualities you want would you just oblige?

Kato Sam. Do not waste her time because even if you insist, you will still leave her and by then it might be that you have children who will then be introduced to this mess and heartache.

Prince Nelly. Marriage is all about your lifetime happiness. It is none of your family’s business. So just listen to your heart.

Musiitwa Steven. Find out what makes you not to resist her. Analyze that it and will give you the way forward.

Counsellor’s say: Lois Nakibuuka, freelance counsellor

Let her know your intentions

Dear anonymous, most times the family does things objectively because their decisions are not based on feelings. It is important, therefore, that you ask to understand their reasons for demanding that you end the relationship. If their reasons are valid, you may have to heed them but if they are not, go ahead with your decision.
It is important also for you to know that marriage is a life commitment and if you get into a relationship because of the way you feel, you may be disappointed. If you say she is irresistible, this is just a feeling that can change anytime.
Feelings often change but the qualities do not. What will happen to your relationship thereafter? Are you ready to live up to the disappointments in the qualities she will never develop?
Also, you can try to speak to her. You may think she does not have the qualities you want but after knowing your intentions, she may change.
Generally, when thinking of a lifetime commitment, take all the time you need so that you do not live a regrettable time. Let your decision not be driven by infatuation.


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