He lies and cheats but I still love him

By Beatrice Nakibuuka

Dear Heart to Heart, I am 22 years old. My boyfriend and I have been dating for one year. However, I recently discovered that he has lied to me about a number of things including his age, level of education and family. I also found out that he is cheating on me with several women. Although my heart is broken, I do not want to lose him. What should I do? Anonymous

Richard Katamba. Your man lies because he has low self esteem. A man will lie that he is younger if he feels his age does not match his financial status or men his age are far ahead of him. Some even lie that they are not married. It is up to you to discover as much as you can, and make a decision. But let him know how you feel before making a final decision.

Nampa Patience Natie. Much as you might not want to lose him, he is not worth your time. You are still too young to be stressed by any man to the extent of allowing him to disrespect and cheat on you. You should let him know that you are aware of his transgressions and are giving him a chance to either change for the good or end the relationship. Someone who is not honest can never be trusted.

Henry Kiramba. Being blind folded is the reason to why you pretend to love him with all his lies and cheating on you. I think you need two slaps in both ears so that you wake up.
John Ochogor. What is the purpose of dating or courtship? This is the time you get to know someone better and if you find things you do not agree with, you decide what to do. For example, if the bad outweighs the good, then you quit and if the good outweighs the bad then there is a chance the relationship can work out.

Matumbwe J Christopher. You are still young to stress over a man who is not faithful. It is better you leave such a relationship before he infects you with diseases.

Emmanuel Keneth Watyekere. As I read through your story its ending shows that you already have already decided to continue with the relationship since you have said that you cannot leave him. In this case, you have the solution to your problem.

Ayugi Lilly Grace. Do you want to lose your life because of a womaniser? He is not your ideal marriage partner and your fear of not wanting to lose him will just land you in more trouble.

Nyakojo Donavan Alecs. You should not worry much about his level of education because even my wife lied about hers and we are still together. However, it is important to know his family and this is why you need to talk to him about it.

Ddamulira Paul. He clearly does not love and respect your feelings. However, if you still love him, then do not complain about the cheating in as much as I believe you deserve better.

Micheal Kazinda. Your parents educated you in order for you to get some wisdom. Do not embarrass them by showing the highest level of ignorance.

As Sia. You are still too young. End this relationship because the right person will come at the right time.
Phoebe Miriam. At 22, you still have a lot of time to have fun and enjoy your life. Do what people your age are supposed to do and when it is time for you to settle down, you will have no regrets.

Ayesiga Alfred Akiiki. I know most women believe in lies than facts. But the question remains; is the source of the cheating rumours reliable?

Fred Daniels. You do not love him, you are afraid of how life will be without him. Trust me you are in a prison and the only person who can free you is you. You cannot be lied to, cheated on and still claim you love that man. You deserve to be treated well, you deserve to be respected and you deserve to be happy. Get out of that abusive relationship now.

Muteteri Olive. Your too young to settle for less.

Henry Kimbowa. The answer is within you, you just do not want to accept it.

Chris Latim. There is a lot more to do at 22 than to get chocked up in relationships. Live your life.

Mercy Mirembe. What would make a young girl like you agree to be cheated on and disrespected to that point? And the sad part is that you claim to love the man despite yours woes. Make up your mind regarding what you really want out of.

Apio Jessica. How about finishing school, getting on with your career, improving your life skills rather than cry over a man that does not value you? I believe that you are throwing yourself in issues that are not suited for your age.

Counsellor’s say
Evelyn Kharono, counsellor at Ssuubi Medical centre
You must tell him how you feel

Dear Anonymous, it is sad you have had to go through all this in the name of love. Your sacrifice is beyond limit but still your lover has not changed. This is dating and courtship time and it is now that you have to decide in your heart if you are ready to face this same behaviour for the longest part of your life.
You need time to differentiate well if this is true love or an obsession. An obsession can blind fold you to an extent of both physical and psychological abuse for a long time and by the time you realise it, a lot of damages could have occured.
It is normal to feel that you cannot do without the other person due to the time you have spent together and the attachment, but it is also good to tell your boyfriend how you feel about his behaviour. If he is interested in the relationship like you are, he will listen. You may also consider seeking professional therapy together where you can freely express yourselves without judgement .Otherwise the longer you take to decide the more susceptible you are to a heart break and risk of STI’s including HIV.


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