Everyday ways to make your marriage stronger

By Christine Katende

True love not only involves caring for the other person but keeping the love strong through being creative. Thinking about and valuing your partner is something many relationship coaches emphasise during wedding preparatory lectures or counselling.
In a relationship, there should be more action compared to words. An act, big or small, can communicate a lot more than the words “I love you”.
For the five years they have been married, Marvin has always surprised his wife. He recently threw her a surprise baby shower which he also used to include other gestures that would show his wife that he loves and values her in his life.

“I do not normally focus on how much money I have, but rather at what will make her happy. It is the care and consideration a man shows his wife that will keep her closer to him,” he says.
A surprise can be in different forms. Simple or elaborate, the love element in it will make all the difference. Many people may think that doing surprises is about having a lot of money but Samuel Bakutana, a relationships coach, says: “We do not do these things to buy the love of our partners but doing them often reaffirms our commitment and may indeed communicate love to the other party.”

In the recent years, a friend lost his girlfriend who he totally failed to understand. Malaika came from a well-to-do family, and although Vincent tried to prove his love through phone calls and text messages, he failed to satisfy her heart.

He even feared to take her out on dates because he feared he might not meet her standards. However, because he did not put in much effort, when Malaika died, he regretted his actions. “I did not know that Malaika loved me for who I was. I realised this later after she had died. I knew then that I should have done more within my means,” Vincent painfully reveals.

But did you know that these surprises should not be earth shuttering and mountain moving for them to make sense or have impact? Bakutana says just an evening date once in a while and the simple conversation over a cup of tea can rekindle the much needed warmth in a marriage.

Good morning texts
Many people think that love can be bought. It is a huge relationship misconception according to aplus.com, an online portal.
“And while money may certainly help, small surprises can make the same, if not more, of an impact. They tell the person you are with that you care about them. You cannot go wrong with a classic “good morning” text, if you are interested in how to surprise your boyfriend or girlfriend, as the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. Candles, notes and candy do, too,” the site states.

Love notes
Susan always buys simple things such as socks, ties, vests and underwear for her husband. She says her husband’s love for her doubles whenever he finds a new gift with a simple note. It is these notes that she uses to tell her husband how much she loves and appreciates him.
“I do what is within my means but only present them in a lovely way. These are small things anyone can buy but my husband values the time and money I invest in it plus the love I express in each note attach to a gift.”


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