Do not be a mistress when you can be a wife

By Christine Nakalungi

Being someone’s mistress is not as fancy as some women would like you to believe. It comes with more problems than a single person can ever experience. Last week, a reader asked for advice. She fell in love with a workmate who is living with the mother of his two children. She held onto the hope sold by her lover that he will one day leave his wife and marry her. Four years down the road, the situation has not changed. To make matters worse, the wife came to their workplace and got her contact. This was followed by abusive messages telling her to leave her husband alone. She wants to leave the man but he is not done with her yet and she needs advice.

My dear, let me echo the truth that you have voluntarily ignored for so long. Your time for being a mistress expired and you should embark on a journey of finding your own husband. Time is precious and you should never allow anyone to waste your time. Four years with a man who is not yours is like waiting for a boat at the airport. It is up to you to keep believing a lie but unless the evil genie sewed your eyes blind and your ears deaf, you should be counting your losses and burying your feelings.
Of course a married man will keep your hopes up every time you try to leave him because he enjoys having you as plan B just in case his marriage fails. You might also be hoping that something will happen to his marriage and give you a chance to be his wife but God rarely responds to such prayer requests.

I suggest that instead of wasting your energy and time wishing for the downfall of someone’s marriage, you should put yourself back on the ‘searching’ block and find yourself a free man with less or no drama.
The life of a mistress is like signing up for 24-hour surveillance. You move in fear of the other woman stalking you, hiring ‘kiboko’ squad to teach you a ‘leave my husband’ lesson or worse, bewitching you and turning you into a puppy. This and much more is a price you pay for a second position. Why don’t you give up the struggle and fight to be someone else’s number one?

You might claim that men are scarce but have you realised that every weekend, people are getting married and not to trees but men? Wake up from that slumber and build your own home and future. It might not be easy but it will be worth a try.

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